For Mom
Help Her Succeed as a Mom
Help Her Bond With Her Baby
Don’t be surprised or disappointed if your mate does not mimic the stereotypical mother who falls in love with her baby at first sight. While moms tend to bond faster than dads, many experience difficulties developing a deep emotional attachment with their babies. In fact, women sometimes experience weeks of tortured insecurity and doubt about their ability to love this needy, crying, demanding person.
Sometimes it only takes a sympathetic ear or even a good laugh to dispel the myths of automatic bonding and unqualified love. Let her know that her feelings are more normal than society’s unrealistic expectations of her to be some kind of saint. To help her connect and develop confidence in her capabilities as a mother, point out all the things she does right for the baby. Encourage her to touch, cuddle and engage in regular skin-to skin contact with the baby.
Mothers who get a late start on bonding move on to develop as strong a relationship with their babies as those who get an early start. Moving forward is the objective, and getting overly anxious over bonding can become an obstacle along her path, so help her lighten up on herself and do the little things like giving her a break that help make it happen.
Reassure and Encourage Her
A mom can feel incompetent or even guilty when she cannot calm her crying baby because her “maternal instinct” is supposed to tell her exactly why the baby is crying and how to comfort him. Being dead tired, feeling fat and unattractive, having little control over her own emotions, and seeing no end in sight can make her plight seem hopeless.
Encouragement and support by dad is essential. Point out what a great job she is doing, what a wonderful baby she produced, and how much you appreciate her. The more support, the better the mom. Assure her that you are in it together and you will get through it together. Be positive, constructive, and help build her confidence. Keep in mind she is in a process, and that you can’t nag her into motherhood. Build her up instead.
Recognize Her “Gatekeeping” for What It Is
A mother has an intense relationship with her baby, and it’s not always easy, even if she is exhausted, for her to share him with you. There you are, primed and ready to do your part, and she’s hovering over you, scrutinizing everything you try to do. What do you do if your wife wants to do everything herself?
- Remind her that you need the practice. Let her know how important being close to your son or daughter is to you, right from the beginning. Stand your ground gently, and suggest she’ll be glad for your involvement in the long run.
- If she’s constantly looking over your shoulder and correcting you, take the baby into another room. Get out alone with your baby to prove to her that you are fully capable of taking care of your own child.
- Understand that her life is wrapped around the baby, and her “control freak” behavior is tied directly to her desire to do a good job as a mother.
Things will balance out in time if you keep pressing to be involved and do not let her push you out of your baby’s life.
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About Dads Adventure
We are dads, lots of us, and we are making fatherhood the ultimate adventure of our lives. We do this by learning from the guys on the job, and then from our own experience (both good and bad), and then passing it on to the men just starting out.
Our mission is to assure every child the best opportunity possible for a great dad. The more of us dads doing our best for kids, the better the world we will be leaving to all children.
Dad Quote
- I learned about working as a team, especially at night. I didn't know that I could bottle feed the baby while my wife was breastfeeding. I will encourage my wife to use the breast pump so I can relieve her in the middle of the night to feed the baby. This will give me time to bond with the baby and score brownie points.
Dads on What Matter Most
Dad Quote
- Make sure you take care of your wife after the baby is born, because she is totally exhausted. New moms want to take care of the baby, but they need to get rest too.
What We Bring Dads
In the world of babies overwhelmed by moms, we bring fathers-to-be the voice of other dads. We know the best way for them to start the adventure is to watch and listen to men who have already done.
We give them the confidence to jump right in, and the appreciation for how important they will be to their babies. We bring them what they need for a great start.