DadsAdventure

Common Fears and Concerns

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After hearing the news of a baby on the way, you may experience doubt, fear, second thoughts, and even panic. No matter what’s going on inside, you’re far from alone. Much of this is a mind game caused by rapid, fundamental change in your life. At the risk of giving you more to worry about, here’s a sample of some things soon-to-be fathers think about:

• What am I getting into?
• This was not my choice.
• I’m not ready/I won’t be a good father.
• I’ll throw up in the delivery room.
• I’ll lose a great life.
• How much pain will she be in?
• What if there are complications?

• Will she ever get back to normal?
• Will she be a good mother?
• I can’t afford a bigger house, another car.
• How much is baby stuff going to cost?
• I work 60 hours now/how can I pay the bills and spend the time with our baby?

• We barely make it now, and she wants to stay home.
• When will my sex life return?
• Is this baby really mine?

So if you find your emotions ranging from euphoria to dread, take a deep breath and remember it’s normal. This will allow you to focus constructively on the real challenges you foresee.

Your Life Will Change – But How?

We generally have a full life before our first baby comes along. Our careers are usually building or are already in full swing. We have fulfilling relationships with our mates, we have friends, hobbies, outside activities, and physical endeavors that fill up our days. In many cases, long work hours have already stretched our time to the limit. You’ll hear that your life as you know it is over. But what does this mean?

Fathers of 1-year-olds will tell you they were surprised at how much work is involved, on top of their already busy life. In essence, becoming a dad means having more to do than time to do it, so while you work harder, you have to cut back on the things you now enjoy. You also have to make choices between competing priorities. You want to take several weeks off without pay when the baby comes but one of your major concerns is how you are going to pay for everything. There has to be a reward for this, otherwise men wouldn’t do it, and 40 million men in the U.S. alone do.

Babies Change Relationships-Many for the Better

New babies strengthen the love and respect of about one-third of new parents who together overcome the challenges and share the rewards of building a family. About half find their relationship suffers; they were uninformed and unprepared for the impacts of a new baby, and then once theirs arrived, they were unable to communicate and work out their issues.

No matter how much two people love each other, the process of becoming a family can polarize you and your mate. Differences in values, backgrounds, personalities, and concerns sharpen as the demands of an infant press down on you. No issue is more important to a child and his parents than their relationship, so a major investment in making it work is worth it. You need to be proactive on this because mom will be focused on the baby. Set aside time to discuss your priorities in raising your child, how you want to work together, and how you will handle the inevitable conflicts that arise.