DadsAdventure

Father Trashing Hall of Shame

This nation took to condemning “deadbeat” dads two decades ago, initially in response to welfare reform, and then moved on to slamming the absent father, the emotionally absent father, and ultimately most of our own fathers, who would have relished the opportunities we dads have today. Why is the trashing still occurring after the obvious advances men of all types have made as dads? One big reason is that we fathers tend to organize after the divorce, not before, and so we have yet to get our act together enough to seriously ask anyone to stop. And so on to our nominees:

• Pew Research Center’s A Tale of Two Fathers: More Are Active, but More Are Absent in the trading integrity for a headline category. Trumpeted widely in the media as “More Fathers Are Absent”, Pew got its coverage by distorting its own facts (see chart in link): From 1960 to 2000, the portion of kids living apart from their fathers rose from 11% to 27% and then stayed there since. It has not increased in a decade. And Pew’s definition of an “absent” father? 22% are with their children at least twice a week, 29% weekly to monthly, and 21% several times a year, most of whom likely live in another city or state and do their best to stay connected. Pew’s conclusion that “a growing number (of fathers) are absent from their children's lives” is a falsehood that mars an otherwise glowing overview of the increasing commitment of men to their children.
• Michael Gurian’s How Your Kids Can Ruin Your Marriage in the pandering to mother’s enormous purchasing power to sell a book category. His key issue regarding dads? “Dads who feel neglected/replaced and uneasy or jealous when an infant enters the home” and dad should not bother mom because “the mother-child bond is a natural, deeply biological bond…It’s challenging enough for a woman to manage a child’s infancy.” The reality is that gatekeeping by mom, essentially cutting dad out of his new family, is bad for babies, and sharing infant care, which we dads did as cavemen, is great for new moms.
• Huffington Post’s Dads Who Do More Housework Get More Sexin the dragging up demeaning nonsense for Father’s Day category (title has since changed). Huffpo distorts a study, whose own authors state "We're not saying that housework causes sex,” to imply that vacuuming will satisfy dad’s desire for sex, which of course, is his main concern. If true, dads would be supercharging their vacuums and could do an entire house in 45.62 seconds. The reality is that new parents’ relationships typically take a dive just as they try to start forming a family (the basic building block of humanity) together. Not good for moms, not good for babies. If the relationship works, the love life will follow.

They should consider this a resend of the memo that most everyone else appears to have received: trashing fathers does mothers, babies and fathers no good!

They should consider this a resend of the memo that most everyone else appears to have received: trashing fathers does mothers, babies and fathers no good! Add your own nominee to help out those who continue to do so.

Check out the flip side of this initiative: Respect for Fathers Hall of Fame.

Tagged in: Respecting Fatherhood