DadsAdventure

Dads, Get Your Caveman On

The Caveman had it going on as a dad.

He was hands-on 24/7 with his baby in their comfy little cave (co-sleeping way before it was cool) and no doubt serving as a patient punching bag for his mate’s participation in early R&D re: raging hormones, except when out after an extra big Mammoth because he had another mouth to feed. And when he got back, no doubt his little Neanderthal flashed her blazingly bright smile, and for some reason he could not comprehend, this aggressive hunter turned to mush and he put a glittery stone on the list for his next grocery trip.

Naturally strong and courageous, he found himself extra vigilant when his child arrived. A baby attracted Saber Tooth tigers, but it was no problem as for some reason his protective instincts were supercharged when those pesky felines were around. They made warm baby blankets.

He passed on to his sons and all of us descendent dads something very special - an innate drive to protect and care for our children and family, and the instincts to do it well. Over the past century or so, after men went away to factories and the moms took over caring for children, dad instincts went into hibernation for many of us. But over the last couple of decades, we noticed that we and our father missed out on each other, got hands-on with our babies, and our natural instincts re-awakened.

Recently two young surgeons asked me why they want to be home with their babies so much. I explained that they spent more time with their baby than their own father spent with them, and the research indicates the more new fathers do so, the stronger our innate, chemically driven response to both protect and nurture our babies kicks in. The main drivers are that we love our babies and taking care of them nourishes our hearts and souls as men.

And it turns out the more time we spend with them, the more we love them. The Male Brain, by Louann Brizendine M.D., chronicles research showing that we dads are endowed by nature, in the form of subtle hormone changes occurring in the months surrounding the arrival of our child, to both defend our families from threats, and cherish and care for our kids from birth. The key to the latter is stay close to mom during pregnancy, and then getting hands-on once our baby arrives, as this closeness and contact triggers our pre-programmed biological reactions.

Millenniums of evolution begin kicking in as become fathers. This is our real heritage, not the last century in which we were essentially pushed out of our homes and the daily lives of our kids. In droves, we are back. One way we are going to help accelerate this “re-evolution” of dads is to get moms to accept that the more Dad gets his Caveman on, the better!