Helping a New Mom Article

A New Mom’s Take on New Dads










Witnessing your mate's transformation into the mother of your child is ultimately wonderful, but there are many rocks along her path.

One way most dads find out is when she seems to start picking the rocks up and throwing them at you. Since her predicament is clearly your fault, you need to learn to duck, as throwing them back is not an option.

Common landmines in this alien territory can include:

Low Expectations
Mom may have low expectations for you based upon her own experience with her father and what she has seen or heard from her friends.

Hey, a lot of guys are not doing their part, and early missteps by you may confirm her worst fears. You can find yourself in a hole before you are barely outside the gate.

The Only One Getting Dumped On

With a new baby on the way, she has forgotten why she loved you in the first place, and is interested only in what kind of partner and parent you are going to make.

With all she is going through, it is improbable she will like what she sees, as there is no way you can keep up. When she is experiencing the downside, she feels that she is the only one getting dumped on.

He Doesn't Care
After the initial enthusiasm over the pregnancy, mom begins planning and preparing. Dads tend to set the issue aside and let it percolate, as nine months is a long time off.

As moms become focused on the incredible changes a baby brings to them, they often perceive their mates to be unconcerned, uninvolved, and uncaring.

They begin to wonder what kind of father you will be and what kind of support you will provide. Many fathers report mom consuming every source of information on babies available, and wanting them to do the same. Not going to happen.

He's not Going to Be There for Me
As the physical changes brought on by the baby constrain and even pain them, a mother's desires of her mate are unlikely to be met by his performance.

Whether it is repainting the nursery, or providing rubs to relieve back pain throughout the night, or just attention to the issues she's concerned with, men often fall short of pregnant moms' expectations.

Aware that demands will increase once the baby arrives, these mothers wonder whether dad will be there for them or their baby.

He Wants Me to Make All the Career Sacrifices
For a new mom with a fulfilling career, after a generation of feminism, her sense of self worth may be tied to what she accomplishes outside the home. Her pregnancy brings career issues into question for her alone, which is unfair.

While many career moms choose to focus on motherhood, the public battles of stay-at-home and working moms may be ringing in her ears.

Other Potential Landmines along the Road

The baby's actual arrival opens up a new set of possibilities, including her thinking that:

  • You are worthless around the baby
  • You are purposely working longer hours when I need him here
  • All you want to do is get back in the sack

It just goes with the territory. When she is having a tough time, no matter how good you are, it may not be good enough. It helps to remember what she is going through, and perhaps trying to imagine what it is like to give birth.

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