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Obsessive Thoughts are Taking Happiness Out of Becoming a Dad










QUESTION:

In the beginning when my partner told me she was pregnant I was felt so joyful and happy with endorphins all over the place because I was going to be a father. I was happy and content for a week and then the devil enters my mind and says, "Is that baby really yours?" Ever since that thought came into my head, feelings of happiness, joy, and excitement all vanished. At this point I'm confused and depressed because I can't get those good feelings back. It's like someone just turned off a switch in my brain. I can't get excited about my baby anymore.

It's now 9 months and she's due any day now. When people ask me, "Are you excited?" I don't feel all that much. I do have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and I'm not sure if I'm obsessing. I just hope i will be able to feel the love for my child when she is born. I also compare myself to other fathers saying, "They love their child and I don't feel anything." I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. I also feel that I have no connection with the pregnancy, but its supposed to change my life, right? I am a little excited the day is coming but I'm just so confused.




ANSWER:

What you're describing does sound like you're feeding you're obsessive tenancies. Do you see someone for your OCD? They would certainly be a good place to talk about these thoughts and find some solutions to help you manage your thoughts. If you aren't seeing someone, try finding a therapist through your health insurance.

A lot of men with their first baby on the way end up thinking a wide range of nonsensical thoughts because of all the changes and stress that is happening. Wondering if the baby is yours is a classic one.

To break through your cycle of obsessive thinking, take the initiative as a dad. Get informed on breastfeeding so if your partner and your baby run into problems, you are ready to help. Use the six-page fold out Childbirth Coaching Guide from Crash Course for Dads-to-Be to get prepared for the birth and help her through the delivery. Add anything else you can think of to help get your new family started.

New moms start bonding when they get pregnant, while dads usually start at birth. The average time it takes for a new dad to feel bonded to his baby is 4 months, so don’t expect to love your baby at birth, it's totally normal. Focus on how to take care of her; the nurses will show you how, and your hands-on care of your baby is the key; your and her biology will take it from there. You will essentially be falling in love with each other, and at about 3-4 months, she will smile when she sees you. Being the king of baby baths is a great way to get you and baby spending time together.

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