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Separated from Baby’s Mom Before the Birth










QUESTION:

I know this is an all dads site but I need a male's perceptive on my situation.

I was married for 10 years and separated for two when I met Jimmy. We spent every weekend and Thursday nights together. We both were so in love. After 5 months I became pregnant and I was in shock more then he was.He was so happy because he always wanted a family. The moment we found out, I had never seen someone so happy about having a baby. He built on a playroom for my daughters to his house. He did everything with them and talked about us getting married. My girls love him.

Then this April he started to become distant and in May when I had only 8 weeks left in the pregnancy he broke up with me. I am still devastated. I only have two weeks left until I am due and he wants to be in the delivery room when our daughter is born and plans to take off work to help me the first couple of weeks. I'm sending my daughters to be with their dad during that time because I don't want them to be confused since they still ask to see Jimmy all the time. My therapist says I should wait until the baby is born to see if he changes his mind on wanting us to become a family. The attorney I saw states I should not let him in the delivery room, not put his name on the birth certificate, and not let him stay at my house with her when she is born or leave with her.

My heart is telling me and I'm going to let him be in the room and have him on the birth certificate. I could never take away that amazing experience of instant love from him. I am a huge believer in family and she is half his. I want her to have his last name.

I just want advice on if I should have a glimmer of hope or follow the attorney's advice and not let him be involved fully. Whenever I bring up emotions or serious conversations he backs away. We can talk on the phone for a couple hours at a time like nothing is wrong. He has still attended all of the doctor appointments. That is what makes this so tough to cope with. I can't imagine not having him there every night to kiss her good night or for her to be waiting by the window for him to walk in the door after work like my daughters had. I can't imagine not having her every night or not being able to breastfeed her like I did for both of my girls for over 15 months. Please give me some advice!




ANSWER:

First, get a new lawyer; the one you have has no regard for the value of a father and is happy to rob your child of one from the moment of birth.

Keep your therapist; let the very powerful biological instincts of new fathers, which kick in at the moment birth do their thing.

While the relationship issues are awful for you at this very vulnerable time, focus on bringing out the best in your ex-boyfriend as a dad. Your best prospect for a romance renewal are for him to see you (and your daughters) taking great care of the child he will quickly grow to love. There is a good chance he will see you in a new light and want to be a full part of your family. At the very least, your child gets a dad who is involved in her life.

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