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Pregnant Girlfriend’s Mood Swings are Driving Us Apart










QUESTION:

About a month ago, my girlfriend of only 3 months told me "we" were pregnant. By the time she bought the pregnancy tests we had both gone from hoping her period would come, to hoping she was pregnant. When the tests came back positive, we both dealt with it very well. I was surprised to see her so calm actually.

We started to say, "I love you," to each other. The relationship became more romantic. We started to talk about me moving in with her, even setting a target date. We talked casually about marriage too and it didn't feel touchy at all. Then the mood hit her. When she confirmed the pregnancy, she immediately went off her anti-depression meds, which we learned later does more harm than good. So not only was she being hit by pregnancy hormones, but also withdrawal symptoms. In addition to this, she was stressed by many things, including how her family might react (she still hasn't told them). My family has been very supportive but somehow that has made her resentful to them.

I know all these things are affecting her but still the words she says are very hurtful. She has questioned her feelings for me. I got defensive and tried to remind her of moments when I felt love from her just a week before...or the times she actually said she loved me (as recent as earlier that fricken day!). She would brush it off and say she wasn't sure if sure meant it...maybe she said it to make me happy, she suggested.

She said these new feelings were familiar to her. She felt them in past relationships always around the 3 month mark. Things got better after that for a little bit.

Christmas eve came and so did the dark mood again. She said the same things to me again. I panicked and spent as much time with her as possible but as it turned out, I was smothering her. A few days ago she asked for space and it's been really tough. We fell completely in love just weeks ago, and now it's a one way street.

It's so stupid and I want to be excited about the baby, but not being able to see her and no longer having my love returned is hurting bad. I feel too old to be feeling heartbroken like this but hell, this month has given me anxiety. It doesn't make any sense and I hope that time and space helps. Has anyone "survived" this?




ANSWER:

A lot of guys under your circumstances might have left by now, so you have my deep respect. Here's some advice for giving this your best shot:

  • Let her know you will hang in there with her ups and downs no matter what since you have a baby on the way.
  • Whatever pattern she has had in past relationships, with a baby the stakes are much higher.
  • Tell her, "We're going to have a family and I want to be there for the baby and you."
  • You don't want her to end up being a single mom, an incredibly tough way to go.
  • You don't want to be a part-time dad either.
  • Hormones do strange things to a mom-to-be's mind. You will roll with it. If she hasn't already, she needs to talk to her doctor about her medication while pregnant.
  • The odds are against you since you've only been dating a few months, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to stay together. You are parents to this child for the rest of your lives.
  • You and her are in this together; you got her back and will still be there when she comes around.

You get the general idea; this is asking a lot of yourself but will be totally worth it if it works out. If it doesn't work out between you and your girlfriend, you'll know you gave it your best shot for your child and her. If the relationship doesn't work out, the next step is to work out staying involved with your baby.

It could take her months to respond to your positive, constructive approach. This will seem like forever, but given the stakes, it's worth it.

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