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Mom Won’t Let Me See My Baby










QUESTION:

First off the mother and I are no longer together. Since our child was born a week and a half ago, I have seen her once. The mother keeps saying that the baby is fussy a lot and she doesn't get much sleep and is really moody and emotional. I ask everyday if I can go visit the baby and help with anything and I get the "we didn't sleep well and are exhausted" every time. I do understand her side. Breastfeeding among many other things she is doing can be tough and draining. But shouldn't that be more reason for me to be there with the baby too? I need advice because now I feel like I'm being left out on purpose.




ANSWER:

A new mom in her circumstances will be very tough to deal with.

Offer to drop by a meal or diapers; something she would find hard to refuse. A big idea - she might go for an offer of 3-4 hours of straight sleep at night with you handling your baby’s first feeding at night or the last one in the early morning. Mom gets to sleep through one feeding/diaper change. This means introducing bottles (after baby is 3 weeks old) if mom is nursing, and she will need to be pumping bottles for you to use.

Be creative with ways you can help her with your baby, work your way up to taking the baby in the stroller for a walk and then taking over looking after the baby to give her a break. Then look forward to taking baby out to the park and other educational places (anywhere new is educational for a baby, even the hardware store or car show).

Ultimately mom should want what’s best for her baby, which is a dad who cares, and you certainly sound like you want to be a great dad.

If these ideas don’t work and mom still refuses to let you see your baby, there are legal alternatives, but we really suggest you first try the above suggestions and be very patient. If you and mom are able to figure out on your own how to raise your child, all three of you will be much better off for decades.

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