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Mom-to-be Wants to Control Everything


I am an expecting dad probably with multiples for our first children. But we're waiting for the ultra-sound to confirm. My concern is that my wife is an extremely strong-minded person with a bad temper that insists on controlling just about everything. She is also in the medical field and claims that she knows 100 times more about babies then I do. I agree, she may know more, but I am digesting books and info at alarming speeds. She is planning on having her mother here for the birth and to stay for a long while to help out. Although my mother is off limits. My main issue is that I am worried about taking a 2nd or 3rd seat or even just handling the "crappy" work only while she dictates how everything will happen and how the babies will be dealt with. Now here's the kicker, I am also an alpha type person and like the control and have my own strong opinions.

Do I have any reason to be concerned or is this just the ramblings of a pregnant woman? Is this control thing to be expected from pregnant mothers-to-be? Any advice is greatly appreciated.


Your concerns about a new expectant mom who wants full control over “her” baby are real and fairly common. During pregnancy, moms are way ahead of us dads in planning, and they develop fantasies as to how perfect everything will be once the baby arrives. Of course, fantasy rarely meets reality. This is what you are dealing with. The good news is that twins or triplets will largely solve the problem because it will totally take both of you working together to take care of them. In the meantime (for the balance of the pregnancy), be patient and let her know through your actions your commitment to being the best father possible, which she will want for “her” babies as well. Your biggest risk would be to let her “ramblings” or “gatekeeping” (the term applied to a controlling mom) become an obstacle to your involvement and relationship with your own baby. So plan for reality, such as a 3 seat stroller that will enable you to get out of the house with your babies, while she gets a much appreciated break.

Let me know if this helps. New moms present the biggest challenges to new dads, and you will find these to be the major focus of Hit The Ground Crawling, our first book.

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